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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27062305">Remember when I thought I was straight? How embarrassing!</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/RocioWrites/pseuds/RocioWrites'>RocioWrites</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Pacific Rim (Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Background Relationships, M/M, Minor Hercules Hansen/Stacker Pentecost, Minor Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, Minor Yancy Becket/Tendo Choi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 21:29:10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,405</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27062305</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/RocioWrites/pseuds/RocioWrites</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Chuck starts a bunch of conversations by announcing he’s homophobic. But there’s just something that doesn’t add up.</p><p>Until he gets it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Raleigh Becket/Chuck Hansen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>90</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Remember when I thought I was straight? How embarrassing!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/starry_alien/gifts">starry_alien</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Totally inspired by this post: https://weeaaboohoo.tumblr.com/post/182119277240/imagine-your-otp : “Straight guy worries he’s being homophobic to gay roommate, realizes he’s fallen in love with him. Plot twist: it turns out I don’t have any problems with Alex kissing guys if it’s me he’s kissing.”</p><p>It’s absolutely self indulgent and has been in the making for way too long, until I decided I needed the serotonin from finishing and posting it. So here we are, hope it brings a smile to someone out there!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Mako’s lips are a thin line, her eyes narrowing. “Excuse me, I think I didn’t get that right.” Her tone is slow and proper. “Will you repeat it again?”</p><p>Any other time, he’d roll his eyes, because he knows she heard him just right. But now? Shit, he’s feeling pretty low right now. “I said…” He starts, taking a deep breath. “That I’m homophobic. And that’s just so <em>wrong</em>.” He’s beginning to feel the telltale of hysterics in his own voice. Mako blinks at him, silent. “I can deal with being a jerk and an asshole and all that other stuff people say about me, that’s easy, but I don’t want to be a disgusting homophobe!” He hisses, mad at himself.</p><p>Mako blinks some more. Chuck just leans against the wall, the emergency staircase is empty and a perfect place to discuss this sensitive topic far away from prying eyes and ears.</p><p>“Oh Chuck.” And it’s full of soft concern. “Why do you think that?”</p><p>“I— I’ve seen Rayleigh. Dating. Um. <em>Men</em>.” She nods once and keeps staring at him, waiting for him to elaborate. “I’ve seen him kissing other men and frankly? It’s disturbing, it made my insides twist and I wanted to punch a hole in the nearest wall.” Mako opens her mouth and shuts it promptly. “To be honest, I want to punch the other guys in their stupid faces.” He finishes.</p><p>Silence.</p><p>Mako looks at him, eyes narrowed once again, she’s inspecting him. Clutching her tablet tighter to her chest, she gives one calculated step towards him.</p><p>“Are you…?” She bites her lips closed. Chuck arches an eyebrow, expectant. “Is that all?”</p><p>Chuck thinks about it. “No.” He replies, firmer than he thought he could. “I find my dad and <em>your</em> dad making out like teens disgusting, it makes me so fucking uncomfortable.”</p><p>She squints at him as if she’s in urgent need of prescription glasses. “But they’re <em>our fathers</em>.” She stresses.</p><p>“So?”</p><p>For the first time in his life, Chuck sees Mako facepalm. “<em>Chuck</em>.” She utters through gritted teeth, and it suspiciously sounds like she wants to say <em>you’re a goddamned idiot</em>.</p><p>*</p><p>*</p><p>The bench literally trembles and screeches under the combined weight of the Kaidonovskys sitting one at each side of him. Chuck fights the urge to say something that’ll get him into trouble and decides to just finish his food. Late breakfast is better than no breakfast and the added bonus of an empty mess hall was all he cared for.</p><p>But now…</p><p>“Baby Hansen.” Sasha says with a grin so sharp that it could cut through steel.</p><p>“Will you ever stop calling me <em>that?</em>” Scratch that about staying silent and out of trouble, these guys need to get the memo that he isn’t a kid anymore. “You can say Ranger Hansen. Or Chuck, that’s my name in case you’ve forgotten.”</p><p>Aleksis pats him on the shoulder and his hand is so huge that the force of it almost makes him spit what little scrambled eggs he had managed to eat.</p><p>“Ranger Hansen is your father.”</p><p>“Then call me Chuck, for fuck’s sake.”</p><p>“Language, boy.” Sasha reprimands. “We’re not here to discuss your name, <em>Charles</em>.” Aleksis nods in complacence and Chuck wants to be offended, to protest the use of his full name but he has no time because Sasha keeps talking. “We want to know what is wrong with you.”</p><p>“What’s wrong with me?” He repeats. And there goes his opportunity to actually eat.</p><p>“You seem… down. Sad.” Aleksis mentions, as if looking for the right word. “Distant.” He finally settles on that one.</p><p>“I’m none of those things.” Chuck has half the mind to reply and make himself busy with his fork. “Who told you such lies?” He questions around a mouthful.</p><p>Sasha inspects him mutely and he really tries to not shudder under that powerful stare.</p><p>“No one. We can see it for ourselves.” She puts it so simply. He, of course has nothing to say to this. Still, he works his jaw as if to respond which Sasha stops in its track. “Tell us what is bothering you, boy.”</p><p>Chuck thinks they have no right whatsoever, he isn’t that obvious, what the hell? He huffs, trapped in between two immovable forces like the Kaidonovskys. Mako wasn’t of much help so here it is, another chance, he supposes.</p><p>“It’s not what. It’s who.” At that, Aleksis sits straighter, ready to spring into action. And Chuck knows he himself isn’t exactly the type to admit when he’s in the wrong, but here? He just can’t accept his own problem. What kind of dickhead has problems with gays these days? His father is with another man to make matters worst. Taking courage, he goes for it. “I’m… homophobic.” Intoning the word is hard even after saying it out loud for Mako.</p><p>“You— what?”</p><p>“I’m homophobic.” He says it again in a mumble.</p><p>“That is not correct.” Aleksis comments, a frown on his face.</p><p>“<em>I know</em>.” He answers angrily and stabs his eggs because he really doesn’t want to stab himself. “It’s not like I want to be like this, but I don’t know how to help it.”</p><p>“Why do you think this?”</p><p>“I just—” He coughs to clear his throat. “Becket is dating these guys. Male guys. Men. Ugh, he’s dating men and I… I want to knock their perfect teeth off of their perfect mouths with which they kiss him.”</p><p>“Is Becket taunting you?” Sasha asks, narrowing her eyes and looking somber, dangerous. Chuck will do good remembering she could snap his spine in half without trouble. His and anyone else’s spine. Like toothpicks.</p><p>But he needs to address what she just said because yeah, Raleigh is sort of taunting him? Not on purpose though – come on, if he was doing it on purpose to annoy Chuck, they’d be already exchanging punches.</p><p>“No, none of that. He’s just… Dating.” Living his life. Moving on. Trying to be happy.</p><p>Damn it all, Chuck wants to be happy for him, because they are sort of friends now. But it’s so hard, watching him arriving with some random dude and actually laughing and— flirting. Damn. It’s disgusting and it inflames such hatred inside him.</p><p>“Ah.” And it sounds more like an exhalation than a proper reply from Aleksis, it almost makes Chuck feel small.</p><p>Well, he kinda is small when sitting besides these two giant human beings.</p><p>Sasha offers him a quirk of lips, something that could be a smile. “You’ll figure it out, Baby Hansen, yes?”</p><p>*</p><p>*</p><p>Tension eases when Newt leans down to pet Max, a big goofy smile on his face. Gottlieb looks on indulgently and in the end, rubs Max behind the ear briefly. The dog growls in satisfaction and for a moment Chuck forgets why he’s here.</p><p>“Is something the matter, Young Hansen?” Gottlieb asks.</p><p>He wants to nod and spill it out and at the same time he wants to flee the lab and why the fuck would he trust these nerds with this <em>very</em> personal issue of his?</p><p>Max barks once because Newt has stopped his hand in favor of looking up at him and Chuck tries to offer a sort of smile. At the second barking, Newt resumes the petting absentmindedly.</p><p>“I need… help.” He has the guts to utter. For a fragment of a second, he thinks he sees worry in Gottlieb’s frown. “I’m… homophobic.” He declares. “And I hate it.” They have the same reaction Mako had, they’re simply blinking mutely. “I don’t want to be like that! It isn’t right, I know it, but I can’t stop just getting absolutely mad at men kissing—” He clears his throat. “Kissing Becket. Rahleygh Becket.” He finishes in a lower tone.</p><p>The scientists share a look.</p><p>“Are you for real?” Newt questions, standing up and ignoring Max’s whining.</p><p>Chuck clicks his tongue at this. “Yes. Of course I’m serious, I wouldn’t joke about this.”</p><p>Gottlieb clears his throat. “May I ask if it’s only Ranger Becket kissing other men that makes you… irate, as you’d put it.”</p><p>He shakes his head <em>no</em>. “My old man kissing the Marshal, ew.” Another look passes between them. “What?”</p><p>“You know, they’re your dads, of course you dislike it!” Newt points out. Chuck glares at him, it couldn’t be that simple. “Alright, what about us?”</p><p>“What about you?” Another look filled with incredulity goes from Gottlieb to Newt. “I mean, you guys are cool? I know you aren’t straight, Newt, that’s fine? Besides, you’re— uh super friends with each other, so.”</p><p>Newt shrieks so loudly and high pitched that Max stands on alert, Chuck and Gottlieb grimacing.</p><p>“Excuse you, dude?!” Chuck never thought he’d be afraid of tiny nerdy Newt but this might change it. “Did you just say Hermann and I are… what? Super friends? <em>Super friends?!</em>”</p><p>Chuck wants the ground to open up and swallow him whole. It’d be perfect. No need to listen to Newt’s incoming rant <em>and</em> it’d also make another homophobe disappear from this planet. Win-win situation, right?</p><p>“Newton, please.”</p><p>“Oh no, don’t <em>Newton please</em> me.” And in any other situation, that would have sounded so dirty. Not right now though, because he’s raging. “I didn’t save the world for people to say I’m just super friends with you.” Chuck eyes widen when Newt directs his glare at him. “Listen to me and listen to me well kid, Hermann and I are not just super friends, okay? We’re an item, the closest two people can be, we’re together, we’re romantic and life partners, we have sex and we argue with each other and we are super friends but not <em>just</em> super friends, got it?”</p><p>“Got it.” Chuck answers immediately, more out of instinct than anything else. Years answering to authority figures in autopilot grant him the skill of no hesitation.</p><p>“Can’t believe you got the nerve of calling me Hermann’s super friend, like what the fuck? Are you blind or just plain idiot? Haven’t you seen the way my queer ass is head over heels for this man?”</p><p>“<em>Newton</em>.” Gottlieb warns.</p><p>He just waves his hand, like it’s nothing. “Okay, yeah, whatever. Not like I care.” He shrugs. “And anyway, like hell you’re homophobic, you just like Raleigh and are jealous because he’s dating other people.”</p><p>“Stop at once.” Gottlieb meddles again, imposing his decision by stomping his cane against the floor.</p><p>Chuck splutters, goes red and glares at them. Him jealous of Raleigh? <em>What?</em> Why would he— <em>No</em>. That just can’t be.</p><p>“You don’t know what the fuck you’re saying.” He spits and turns on his heels, Max following him, and speed-walks out of there.</p><p>“Go get’im, tiger.” He hears Newt say before the heavy lab doors close behind him and his pet.</p><p>*</p><p>*</p><p>Newt is wrong. Wrong. <em>So wrong</em>. He may know a lot about Kaiju but he knows nothing about Chuck and why would Chuck ever be jealous of Raleigh and other men? They’re barely friends now.</p><p>Okay. No. That was shitty. They are friends. In fact, good friends, he thinks. They have movie nights and join in on basketball games with the Wei triplets and anime marathons with Mako and sometimes Newt and Tendo as well.</p><p>They’re good friends, yes. Chuck likes Raleigh. He’s one of his first friends to be honest.</p><p>But he definitely doesn’t like him like <em>that</em>, it’s not like he’s in love with the guy, pfff. Impossible.</p><p>*</p><p>*</p><p>This… is his last resort. Last chance of clearing this up.</p><p>“Dad.” A self-contained universe in the word. “How did you know you were in love with Pentecost and not… um. Homophobic or anything.”</p><p>Yes, he’s tired of this blinking confusedly type of act.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Just— nothing, old man. Forget it.”</p><p>“No, wait.” And Herc is reaching for him, grabbing his wrist before Chuck can leave the room. “Talk to me?”</p><p>Their relationship has been easier now that there isn’t an impending apocalypse hanging over their heads. They’re softer and kinder with each other now. It’s a nice change of pace. Almost dying puts a lot of things into perspective and Chuck really doesn’t want to lose his dad before having had the time to honestly bond with him. Besides, they’re more alike than people give them credit for.</p><p>They sit in Herc’s bunk and Chuck swallows against the lump in his throat. Yes, they’re kinder but it’s still hard.</p><p>“What is this about?” Herc probes. “About Stacker and me or about something else?” Chuck must look like a deer caught in headlights because Herc stops, lets go of his arm and tries again. “Is this about Stacker and me? Or about you?”</p><p>Max looks up from his comforter on the floor to check up on them, the tension is palpable in the air. Chuck glares at his own boots. Why is it so hard to talk about this stuff?</p><p>“I hate… that asshole of Becket dating and kissing other men.” He pauses. Max tilts his head adorably to the side for a moment, before deciding that nothing of gravity is happening with his masters and going back to sleep. “I don’t want to be a homophobe. But seeing him making out with random dudes— I went crazy furious. It made me so uncomfortable.”</p><p>Herc blinks at him. Again.</p><p>And fuck that reaction already.</p><p>“Chuck.” He says tenderly. “Son.” And oh God it sounds just like that tone of voice Herc tried to use when he wanted to explain sex and pregnancy and STDs to him years back. His eyes are more tired now, more wrinkles around the edges, more softness. “What do you <em>think</em> about Stacker and me?”</p><p>Without missing a beat, “That you’re disgusting smooching like teens, ugh.”</p><p>Herc gives a scoff of a laugh. “Okay. But you don’t hate us, right?” Chuck doesn’t dare to look up. “It made you uncomfortable, but you don’t hate us for being together.”</p><p>“Well, no.” It’s a trap, he can tell but he goes on anyway. “You’re my old man, I could never—” He cuts himself off.</p><p>They’re silent and Herc sniffs, hiding a sob. Chuck wants to be unimpressed at this sensibility but whatever, it’s true, despite it all, he loves his dad. So what?</p><p>Soon Herc has a hand on the side of his neck and they’re pressing their foreheads together, minutes stretching languorously. It’s intimate and Chuck feels like a small kid all over again. Their connection alights, their link vibrating, ghost drifting still a very real thing for them.</p><p>“Thank you.” Herc says, barely above a tiny whisper.</p><p>He then clears his throat and breaks the moment, blinking again to vanish any rebel tears that might have wanted to spill.</p><p>Chuck wants to reply something meaningful. Something important. And yet, no intelligent words come to mind.</p><p>“You were saying, that you don’t hate us, Stacker and me I mean.” And there’s a smile playing on his eyes. Chuck nods. “But you hate Raleigh.”</p><p>He frowns. “No, that’s not it…”</p><p>The grin on Herc’s face makes color show up on his face. “You don’t hate <em>him</em>. You hate <em>the guys</em> he goes out with.”</p><p>“Yeah, that’s more like it.”</p><p>The grin paired up with that out-of-place smug look worry him. What is his old man trying to point out?</p><p>“Do you… do you think about Raleigh?”</p><p>And for the first time, it’s him who’s blinking in confusion.</p><p>“I guess?” Chuck doesn’t know what to respond exactly. “I mean, he <em>is</em> my friend. I know we got a rough start but we’re friends now. Friends spend time with each other and think about each other, right?”</p><p>“Right.” Herc confirms, but there’s doubt filtering through his assent. “And tell me, do you think about Mako? Or the Wei kids? They’re your friends too, aren’t they?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“But you don’t feel the same way when you see, say, Cheung flirting with a man or Mako flirting with a woman?”</p><p>Oh.</p><p>That’s something he didn’t think about before… but then again, he can’t remember seeing any of the Weis sucking tongues with other guys like it happened with Raleigh, right in front of him. Also, how does Mako even flirt?</p><p>“I guess I’m closer to Raylight.” He really likes Mako and the triplets are cool but honestly, he got closer to Raleigh, nothing to lie about there. And right there and then, an epiphany strikes. “Shit, do you think I see him as a brother and I’m protective of him? That’s why I hate those guys so much?”</p><p>Herc seems to be staring at some spot behind Chuck head. “Uh, well…”</p><p>*</p><p>*</p><p>It’s not that Chuck wants to avoid Raleigh, he doesn’t really want to. But so far he hasn’t got the help he was so in need of. He only got confusion and exasperation out of Mako, concern out of the Kaidonovskys, madness and rage out of Newt, and a bit of a father-son moment with his old man, but that was about it. Nothing actually helpful to the problem at hand.</p><p>He doesn’t want to be like this, he doesn’t want to be a disgusting homophobe. He doesn’t want that hot sickening feeling rummaging inside his ribcage when he witnesses Raleigh doing something completely normal like kissing his dates. It’s despairingly obvious how it makes him completely furious and he almost can’t stop the urge to punch and break the random guys’ noses.</p><p>
  <em>Like hell you’re homophobic dude, you’re just jealous.</em>
</p><p>Fuck, no. That can’t be it.</p><p>Right?</p><p>*</p><p>*</p><p>“You truly are my last resort, Elvis.” Chuck whispers and Tendo laughs softly before drinking his coffee and lifting an eyebrow, willing him to continue. “How am I supposed to know if what I’m feeling for… <em>someone</em> is jealousy because I like them instead of, dunno, hate because I’m homophobic?”</p><p>Tendo spits his coffee, loudly coughing and laughing at the same time.</p><p>Chuck looks horrified. He definitely prefers the blinking-soundlessly-at-him act than this reaction.</p><p>“What?” Tendo gasps, still breathless. “Oh God, this is rich, what are you even talking about, kiddo?”</p><p>Everyone else in LOCCENT turns to see what the commotion is about and Chuck has to glare everyone into going back to their usual jobs.</p><p>“What I just said.” He mumbles in the end, sending daggers at Tendo’s hideous bow tie, red with blue dots.</p><p>“Oh, you’re serious.”</p><p>“Of course I am!” Chuck exclaims in a hushed yet angry tone.</p><p>Tendo looks around, people are still sending questioning looks their way. He sighs and nods.</p><p>“Come on, let’s talk somewhere else?”</p><p>Maybe this will be the conversation he should have had in the first place. Tendo guides him outside, through a few hallways and then into the open, clear sky waiting for them. Chuck follows him silently so he keeps walking, towards the end of the platform where they can see the ocean and the horizon, the spot where Tendo might light a cigarette or two when he’s feeling particularly overwhelmed. It seems to be the case for Chuck and his… predicament.</p><p>Leaning against the railing, Tendo inspects him. “Okay.” Chuck returns his eyes to him, the scenery just a complementary element. “You’ve got to repeat all that again for me, will ya?”</p><p>Chuck takes a deep breath and Tendo prepares for whatever is coming.</p><p>“I don’t want to be a homophobe. So I’m wondering, what other chances are? Could I be… um, jealous instead of simply hating on— this person for dating people of the same sex?”</p><p>A pause.</p><p>The wind blows and whistles, the waves crashing against the walls of the Shatterdome and some distance away, against the shore. It’s all so pretty, as if they’re inside some drama movie about growing up and accepting yourself.</p><p>Chuck watches the point where water meets sky, birds chirping away, and pointedly ignores the nervous feeling rising in his chest.</p><p>“I’m so honestly baffled here.” Tendo finally says. “I can’t tell you how to feel, that’s for sure. But man, I’m having a hard time believing you can’t tell the difference between hating gays and liking a guy in particular.” Chuck glares at the waves below. “I’m sorry, it just sounds—”</p><p>“Yes.” He grumbles. Because he does know what it looks like from the outside. “It sounds ridiculous.”</p><p>“Also, I can’t even begin to think you’re homophobic.” Tendo barges on, shrugging. “I mean. Your dad and the Marshal?” Chuck rolls his eyes but nods. Yes, well, he still thinks they’re disgusting when smooching like teens but apparently that’s normal? How could he even know what’s normal though. “Me and Yancy? Newt and Gottlieb?”</p><p>He was raised in a world in war against giant monsters, he doesn’t know what the hell normalcy even is and—</p><p>Wait. What?!</p><p>“You and Yancy?”</p><p>“Jesus Christ.” Tendo is looking as surprised as Chuck feels, both wide-eyed and shocked. “You can’t possibly tell me you didn’t know about us!” And he’s laughing so loudly without a single care with an open sky and no one else around.</p><p>Chuck groans in frustration. “Not again. Is someone here straight or what the fuck?!”</p><p>“Kiddo, we were eating our faces off at that Christmas party, how could you not know?” Tendo manages to utter between sobs of laughter.</p><p>“You were drunk! I just thought…”</p><p>“What? What did you think?”</p><p>And Tendo is smiling so big yet so tender, like he thinks Chuck is a child who doesn’t understand how the world works and he has to be oh so very patient with this conversation.</p><p>It kind of is like that but he won’t ever admit it.</p><p>“You were so drunk, kissing against a wall. It seemed like a fit of passion, nothing serious?”</p><p>“No, I’m drawing the line right there man. I know I seem like a flirty guy with no sense of property but I’ve always been serious with Yancy. We’ve been through a lot, you know? And we’re together after years of being separated and years of a war that seemed endless.”</p><p>“I know.” He honestly does. And he thinks he’s actually happy for them. Still, it’s shocking.</p><p>Wind picks up, they fall silent.</p><p>Chuck looks out, water until his eyes get tired of it.</p><p>“Well?”</p><p>“Well what?”</p><p>Tendo smirks. “Are you hating me now that you know I’m into men?” He asks teasingly.</p><p>*</p><p>*</p><p>Of course Chuck doesn’t hate Tendo nor Yancy.</p><p>And that only means he’s not an overtly homophobe. Which is a relief, to be honest. However, that still doesn’t solve his extreme hate for Raleigh’s dates.</p><p>
  <em>Those assholes.</em>
</p><p>*</p><p>*</p><p>Jin corners him, Hu and Cheung at his sides preventing any escape Chuck might want to perform.</p><p>They’re serious and for a moment there, Chuck worries. He just glares for good measure.</p><p>Max sits heavily on his hind legs and proves completely useless to defend his master. Hu lowers his hands and rewards the big boy with a fond scratching session, Max’s tongue lolling out of his mouth and tail wiggling lazily. It dispels Chuck’s frown.</p><p>“Let’s go out.” Jin says after a moment, Hu standing upright again. And then the three of them grin in complete sync. It’s actually a bit creepy but Chuck finds himself nodding.</p><p>He could use a night out, drinking some and spending time with the Wei Triplets, they’re good company and after the right amount of alcohol, completely hilarious.</p><p>“Cool.” Cheung comments. “See you in an hour.”</p><p>And as they came, they leave. A promise of an entertaining Friday night lingering above them. It’s the best plan he can get himself into, it totally gives him a valid reason to avoid Raleigh some more.</p><p>Max gruffly barks after them, missing the petting already.</p><p>“Come on, let’s get ready, baby boy.”</p><p>Another bark and they’re on their way. Getting ready, though, is merely taking a shower and picking the cleanest clothes he owns and then wait.</p><p>Outside, the air is fairly cold and humid and when the Triplets finally join him it’s already past eleven.</p><p>“Can we go to a place where we can grab something to eat?” Chuck questions before Hu starts walking, he’s sure they’ve all skipped dinner by now.</p><p>“Yeah.” Cheung replies and moves towards the nearest block.</p><p>They flag the first cab that shows up and after the excitement of the driver recognizing the local war heroes, Jin parrots an address that Chuck doesn’t begin to understand. The driver makes what Chuck assumes is light conversation with Jin, Hu and Cheung smiling and nodding at the man in odds intervals, for the whole twelve minutes it takes to arrive to the bar.</p><p>Well, at least, it looks like a bar. Not family friendly but definitely not as shady as other places they’ve gone before.</p><p>Inside, Yancy waits for them and that’s weird. Chuck likes Yancy, he’s fun to be around as well. But one Becket usually means the other is close by and no, Chuck isn’t avoiding Raleigh, but he could use an easy night without thinking of him and the predicament he’s in.</p><p>His face must show something because Cheung starts laughing and Jin bumps shoulders with him, an amused smile showing up.</p><p>“Just Yancy.” Jin informs him. The unspoken <em>no Raleigh and no Tendo</em> is glaringly obvious and it relieves him some.</p><p>However, he shrugs nonchalantly as if he didn’t care one bit. Cheung just laughs harder, the jerk. Everyone knows the carefree attitude is a lie. And alright, if it’s only the triplets and the older Becket, he can deal with it.</p><p>“Let’s go.” Hu says, pushing him mildly with a hand on his back.</p><p>He goes.</p><p>“Hey.” Yancy calls out once they’re within earshot. His grin is easy and warm, a bit out of place with its intense familiarity in such a bar but it makes Chuck feel welcomed all the same so that is that. He high fives the triples, one by one, and lastly shakes hands with Chuck. He seems so inviting, so familiar, it makes a tiny part of his heart ache. “Food and drinks?” He asks.</p><p>“Yes, please.” Chuck rushes to agree, straining his neck to look above people’s heads towards the counter where a bar-woman with more tattoos than he can count is making small talk with a client.</p><p>“I’ll go.” Jin offers and Hu follows.</p><p>Luckily they’ve been out together many times, Chuck trusts Jin to get him something tasty and a decent beer at the very least. He supposes this is what normal life should be for people their age, going out, drinking and joking carelessly. He can’t say he feels it just yet but he’s getting better at this whole living a life without imminent death threat at every second.</p><p>And what a lucky bastard he is at the end of the day.</p><p>Cheung seems completely engrossed in his mobile phone when Chuck returns his eyes to the table, Jin is already talking to the bar-woman. Yancy, on the other hand, is looking at him. Or through him to be honest, it’s kind of creepy to be honest.</p><p>“What?” He grunts, more defensive than necessary. Cheung risks a glance at him but swiftly goes back to his phone.</p><p>“Easy.” Yancy says, mostly amused, and lifts his hands in a gesture of surrender. “Just checking on you, are you alright?”</p><p>Is he?</p><p>“Yes.” It’s way too quick, way too eager to make the other drop the subject. A subject that they haven’t even broached yet. Yancy blinks at this. Chuck just sighs, suddenly tired. “No.” He sincerely mumbles.</p><p>“Okay.” Yancy nods, half smile on his lips. Like the warmth of an older brother. “You know you can talk to me, right? I know I’m probably not the first person you think of but, I’m here. I’ll be glad to lend you an ear and a shoulder, and maybe even some money if it’s the right day of the month.”</p><p>The cheeky smirk, the joke at his own expense. Yancy <em>is</em> older brother material. Chuck simply nods and offers his own half smile.</p><p>“Thank you.” He mumbles almost shyly.</p><p>And Yancy beams, gives him a one armed hug from his sitting position. “That goes for you two and your brothers!” He claims and with his other arm hugs Cheung closer, making him splutter and almost drop his phone.</p><p>Cheung’s protests get drowned by Yancy’s laughter and then he’s pushing them out of their seats to help Jin and Hu carry the food and drinks.</p><p>God. What is it with the Beckets that they are fucking beacons of light? Personified friendly golden retrievers, the assholes. Chuck is sort of weak to the whole of it.</p><p>They eat, they drink, they chat, they joke. It’s good. It’s very good really. It lifts a weight from his shoulder, the heavy pit of his stomach has stopped hurtling itself around making him sick. They ask for a second round of beers, the music loud enough to provide a cheery feeling but not deafening which enables them to keep chatting and joking around.</p><p>Nestled in this comfortableness, Chuck absently finds himself wondering why he didn’t come clean with the Weis before. He should be honest, they should hate him some for being the homophobe that he is. Or he thinks he is. The jealousy thing rings in the back of his mind but he just doesn’t see it at all. How could he be jealous? Please, it makes no sense.</p><p>Right?</p><p>“What are you thinking?” Yancy asks. “You just zoned out on us.”</p><p>“I… Do you think I’m homophobic?” <em>Because I do</em>, he doesn’t say.</p><p>Cheung outright laughs at him. Hu and Jin try to contain it but fail miserably. And Yancy actually tilts his head like a confused overgrown puppy. He’s definitely getting tired of people’s weird reactions. Can someone be normal around here?</p><p>Then it sort of hits him that they won’t ever be normal, none of them. What a disgrace.</p><p>“Why do you think so?”</p><p>He sighs. It’s never easy to put himself on the spot. Much less when he knows he’s so blatantly in the wrong. His sudden seriousness makes the others stop laughing, this is important, they realize.</p><p>“I want to murder the men Raleigh has been dating.”</p><p>For a moment, Chuck thinks he’ll deal with laughter once again. Instead, they all scowl at him, eyes narrowed and hands half lifted in the air as if he’s being particularly dense and they don’t understand a single word he’s saying. Yancy tilts his head even more and an abstract worry about him hurting his neck appears someplace in Chuck’s brain.</p><p>“What?” Jin says very eloquently.</p><p>“How you hating on them translates into you being homophobic? Have you actually murdered one of them in some passionate hate crime?” Yancy’s voice, despite the volume of the music and conversations all around, is soft and tender.</p><p>“Uh… no.” <em>Not yet. But I want to</em>. None of that is uttered but Chuck feels it’s clear as day.</p><p>“You are not.” Hu assures. “If you were, and living in the Shatterdome, you’d have had your ass kicked so many times. Starting with your fathers teaching you some morals.”</p><p>The plural doesn’t go unnoticed. And he’s probably right, even though Chuck believes he maybe didn’t have time before to showcase his homophobia, there was a fucking war raging on so forgive him for prioritizing that instead of hating on the gays around him.</p><p>“You don’t hate your father. Or Pentecost. Right?” Jin tries.</p><p>He shrugs. “I wouldn’t say hate but they’re kind of disgusting if you happen to walk in on them smacking lips.” That does make them laugh loudly once again. Oh Yancy joins this time around. “You asked.”</p><p>“But they are your dads!” Cheung protests. A heartbeat. “They are like everyone’s dads.” He explains at last, nose scrunching up.</p><p>It makes him frown. “People keep saying that, what does it matter that he’s my dad?”</p><p>Before Jin gets to respond, a small group approaches their table, all smiles and a bit of embarrassment. They’ve recognized the Wei triplets, of course they did, these three are war heroes. Hu seems surprised but allows the shallow chat and Cheung is already accepting a drink from these fans.</p><p>An invitation to the pool tables is offered, they agree quite quickly aided by the promise of another round on their honor. A look passes between Jin and Yancy that makes Chuck think of some secret code, truthfully, he thinks it’s asking a favor, keep an eye on them. It’d be weird for this group to have an ulterior motive, they really look like local people just having fun at this bar and accidentally crossed paths with the Weis. But one is never too careful, basically.</p><p>Yancy nods and waves them goodbye, sourly mumbling that he deserves a free drink as well once the others are out of earshot. He doesn’t really mean it but it puts a smile on Chuck all the same. Yeah, the man does deserve a free drink to be honest.</p><p>Taking some of the free space, Chuck rearranges himself on his seat, plops his feet onto another chair and steals some cold fries from Cheung’s forgotten plate.</p><p>This place is vibrant and throbs with the music, low lights making it seem more shady than it is. He follows the group with his eyes, the triplets deserve the recognition too and their laughs are honest, Chuck can tell even from this distance.</p><p>Yancy clears his throat and Chuck turns back to him, an eyebrow lifted as if he’s questioning Chuck. “Want to keep talking about your alleged homophobia?”</p><p>It’s an open door, he can refuse. He groans and rubs at his eyes with his clean hand. The salty fingers of his right one remain near the plate in case the need arises for him to eat some more fries – they’re kind of disgusting now but it’s all he has, he doesn’t think it’d be right to keep drinking and he isn’t really hungry.</p><p>“Sure.” He replies, because why not? He’s already in so deep. He’s already told this to everyone but Raleigh and if someone can make sense of it all, it might as well be the person that knows Raleigh the best. “Have you talked to Tendo?” Yancy gives him a funny look. Okay, stupid question, of course he’s talked to Tendo lately, they’re together. “About me.” He specifies. “Because I’ve talked to him about this too.”</p><p>“Oh.” A pause. “And what did he tell you?”</p><p>So no, they haven’t talked.</p><p>“That it was ridiculous if I wasn’t sure I was homophobic. But he doubts I am.”</p><p>Yancy seems pleased at this and nods. “So there you have it.” Chuck rolls his eyes. “And I’m not agreeing only because I love Tendo, just so you know.” He picks another fry, unconvinced. This one is saltier and saggier than the last, he wishes he had something to wash the taste over. The disgust must be evident on his face because Yancy is handing him his glass. “Here.”</p><p>He drinks from it, the beer still quite cold, and it does help.</p><p>“I have what? I have nothing like an explanation.” He complains, giving back the glass. Yancy is watching him, a benevolent smile in place.</p><p>Chuck wonders if the maturity comes from age or experience or if the way Yancy makes him think of his dad sometimes has something to do with the tenderness there.</p><p>As if he didn’t learn anything, he goes for another fry. He picks the next one carefully, one that looks crunchy and under the dim light seems lacking all those grains of salt.</p><p>“Okay. Turn around then.”</p><p>He does. At first, it’s hard to pinpoint what exactly he’s supposed to be seeing. The group is still at the pool table, bantering and laughing, playing and betting too. He looks harder. Ah. One triplet is missing. He narrows his eyes, scanning the place, curious now. The fact that Yancy is calm means Cheung isn’t out of their sight, at least not yet.</p><p>“I’m not sure what—” But then he sees it.</p><p>In a corner, even worse illuminated than the rest of the place, Cheung and some random guy are pressed up against the wall, hands on hips and shoulders and mouths pressed even more tightly together. Meet your heroes, they say; make out with them in dingy bars, they say, surely.</p><p>“Do you hate them? Do you want to… ah, what did you say before? <em>Murder</em> them?”</p><p>He shakes his head, back to looking at Yancy again. All he can think about is how uncomfortable must be if Cheung’s mouth still tastes like burger and fries and beer.</p><p>“So what?”</p><p>Yancy laughs. “Congratulations, you aren’t homophobic!” It makes Chuck roll his eyes. “Have you considered this is something exclusively related to my brother and his dates?”</p><p>He has, briefly. But he can’t make sense out of it. “I have no more hypotheses.”</p><p>“Do you know who I hate, Chuck?” He asks, inching forward above the table so their heads are closer. Like he’s telling a secret and has to whisper it directly at him so the music and conversations won’t drown it down. Chuck mirrors his position, leaning into Yancy as well. “The people who flirt right back at Tendo.”</p><p>He blinks. Well, it sounds valid.</p><p>“I know he’s been always like this, a free spirit some might say. And I love him like that. So I don’t hate everyone. But there’s a subset of people who flirt back with meaning, knowing full well he’s taken. Those people? I hate.” Chuck opens his mouth, having no idea what to reply. “Would you say I’m misogynistic when it’s women and homophobic when it’s men?”</p><p>“I… no, no!”</p><p>“You know what that is? Jealousy.”</p><p>He knows the word, he understands the implications.</p><p>He can’t believe it. He is lost.</p><p>Chuck can’t be feeling jealousy the way Yancy means. Yes, he likes Raleigh, they’ve become friends, they’re actually good friends now. But it’s nothing like what Yancy and Tendo have.</p><p>It can’t be.</p><p>He’s short-circuiting.</p><p>Yancy pats his shoulder. “Just think about it, you’ll come around.”</p><p>*</p><p>*</p><p>He thinks about it. He can’t stop thinking about it.</p><p>Fuck. Could it be?</p><p>*</p><p>*</p><p>Back to square one.</p><p>Mako looks at him, being miserable and enlightened. She’s smiling though.</p><p>“I think I like him. In a romantic way.” And he frowns.</p><p>It is simultaneously easier and harder than saying he’s homophobic.</p><p>“I had faith in you, I knew you’d realize it sooner or later.”</p><p>He sighs. “That doesn’t make me feel better.” She shrugs, unperturbed by his misery. “What should I do?”</p><p>“Confess to him.”</p><p>It almost sounds obvious and simple and Chuck gets why Mako gives this answer.</p><p>However he storms out.</p><p>*</p><p>*</p><p><em>Think about what you want</em>, his father says. Pentecost nodding beside him.</p><p>Newt doesn’t even stop laughing long enough to give proper advice. Gottlieb starts fighting him as soon as possible, basically ignoring Chuck.</p><p>Sasha grins a wicked thing and Aleksis smacks his back, congratulating him. They say he and Raleigh would make a nice couple.</p><p>The triplets are the lesser evil, they just mention it makes them happy to know Chuck isn’t homophobic and that’s it. No advice either.</p><p>Tendo and Yancy, much like his dads and Mako, prompt him to talk to Raleigh.</p><p>
  <em>Chuck hates them all.</em>
</p><p>*</p><p>*</p><p>He stops avoiding Raleigh. And what a glory it is to have solved one problem. The new problem though… It dampens their interactions.</p><p>Ignorance was a blessing in a way. Now, he finds himself over analyzing every touch, every smile, every moment. He’s sickening with his puppy love now that he identified it as such.</p><p>Tired from all his own bullshit he decides that enough is enough. He marches right to Raleigh. And loses his courage at that soft smile and soulful eyes and Chuck hates himself a bit for being so weak in the face of his new found… infatuation, let’s call it.</p><p>The chances of something showing on his face are high because Raleigh frowns. “Hey.” He calls and yes, Chuck has no courage left. “You okay?”</p><p>They’re in Raleigh’s bunker, sprawled on the floor with pillows and blankets, pretending to watch a movie.</p><p>“Yeah, yeah.” He chokes out.</p><p>“Sure? You’ve been acting kind of strange lately. Is something the matter?”</p><p>The matter is that Chuck is a coward in the end. He grimaces at his own inability to just say what’s on his mind. But how could he? He’s spent weeks worrying he was homophobic to suddenly realize that it was actually something completely different. Damn, he really hasn’t the slightest idea how to lead a normal life, huh?</p><p>The absence of an answer makes Raleigh nervous, he can tell.</p><p>Raleigh offers an awkward laugh then and stops the video player. “Ah. Uh. Hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable with… the guys I’ve been bringing back here. I know you caught me a couple of times...”</p><p><em>A couple of times</em> he says. How many were there? How many dates has Raleigh been having?!</p><p>“Not— Not uncomfortable…” He trails off. Uncomfortable doesn’t begin to cover it. It made him murderous but he isn’t about to say that. It made him lose his mind for quite some time.</p><p>A furious part inside him just wants to grab the other and smash their mouths together and hope Raleigh won’t ever think about dating other people ever again while they’re alive. A bit selfish, he can admit as much, but yeah, his furiously in love part won’t hear reasons.</p><p>A pity his coward part seems to be winning.</p><p>“Alright.” Raleigh concedes. “I’ll try to be more careful. Mindful. Of you and this place.” That snaps Chuck to attention. Raleigh isn’t angry, maybe disappointed. God help them if he now thinks Chuck is homophobic… “I guess we’ll go someplace else.”</p><p>“No!” He spits, gritting his teeth. No more people, no more places, <em>please</em>.</p><p>However, this does make Raleigh angry. “Hey, I can do whatever the fuck I want in private, Chuck. I apologize if you were uncomfortable because we were in hallways and stuff like that but I don’t give a damn if what makes you uncomfortable is men kissing!”</p><p>Oh the irony.</p><p>Chuck is fed up with this whole situation, fuck it all.</p><p>“I was uncomfortable because I hate the idea of you kissing other men!” He explodes at last, throwing his hands in the air. “I’m jealous!” He quiets, watches Raleigh’s eyes widen in shock. Drops his hands. “Damn.”</p><p>The world stops.</p><p>Silence except for the murmur of Raleigh’s laptop still on, the movie paused.</p><p>There must be some sort of expression on his face, yet Chuck has no idea how he looks. Raleigh is trapped in a mix between shock and confusion. Like what’s just been said is a fucking complex math problem.</p><p>He can’t deal with this, he will die a coward when it comes to matters of the heart and that’s it. He stands up.</p><p>“I’m sorry, I should leave.”</p><p>Raleigh shoots up to his feet in a rush, grabbing him by the arm to stop him.</p><p>“Wait. What… what exactly does that mean? You’re jealous?” Chuck shakes his arm softly and Raleigh lets go, the momentum however is broken and they’re standing there, still as trees. “Jealous of what?”</p><p>He closes his eyes, harrumphing. “God, you’re the kind of asshole that will make me say it out loud, aren’t you?” When he opens his eyes, Raleigh is looking at him with such curiosity and <em>hope</em>, it totally destroys him. “I like you Rahleight. As in I hate you’re dating other men. As in I talked about this with everyone thinking I was a stupid homophobe but it turns out <em>I</em> want to be the one kissing you.”</p><p>“You what?” He asks, laughing.</p><p>It makes Chuck groan. “Whatever. I made an ass of myself, congratulations.” And it isn’t fair, Raleigh isn’t at fault here but he’s done, they can deal with some unfairness. “Now go and kiss whoever you want.”</p><p>Is that a smile?</p><p>“Good.” Raleigh takes him by the cheeks and plants the most heartfelt kiss Chuck has ever received. It’s not the most passionate thing, with Raleigh smiling so hugely and Chuck barely processing the situation to reciprocate. Still, it’s inspiring and sweet and everything he didn’t know he was missing. “Wanna have a date with me, Chuck?” Raleigh asks, finally separating them.</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>The second time, he does kiss back.</p>
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